Spoiler Morghulis: The Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 1 Recap

It’s been 84 years… well not quite, but it’s been a while (Aaron Lewis voice) since we’ve had a new Game of Thrones episode to talk about. Season 8 episode 1, appropriately titled Winterfell, crashed into our collective consciousness like that meteor that killed all the dinosaurs (valar tyrannusaurus, all dinosaurs must die), and it did not disappoint.

The episode opens on Daenerys and Jon leading the greatest army ever assembled into Winterfell. Lot of side eyes from the Northerners. And could you blame them? You appoint a king, and he turns around and bends the knee for a little action. To be fair, a little action also includes a massive army and two dragons. Nevertheless, the Lady of Winterfell, Sansa, isn’t really feeling it, and she openly questions Jon whether he bent the knee for the North or for love.

Why can’t it be both? Let’s be honest, Dany and Jon have chemistry, and I’m not just talking about the chemistry surrounding their genetics (they’re technically aunt and nephew). The episode provides an exhilarating scene of them hopping on the dragons for a joyride which culminates in them finding a secluded waterfall backdropped area to do it in, all under the watchful eyes of two grinning dragons. These dragons are really cool with Dany’s new boyfriend, eh? I wonder why?

Oh, here’s why. Later in the episode, Sam straight up tells Jon that he’s Aegon Targaryen, son of Rhaegar, and the true heir to the iron throne. He believes Jon is a better leader than Dany, and questions whether she’d make the same sacrifices that Jon did for the greater good. Of course, minutes before, Sam was all in on Dany being the queen, until she matter of factly revealed to him that she had is dad and brother barbecued for not bending the knee.

Interspersed amongst the side eyes include a lot of reunions, especially for Arya. She reunites with Jon, in which she emphasizes her loyalty to Sansa. She reunites with Gendry, in which they kinda flirt before she requests he make a weapon for her. She reunites with The Hound, who begrudgingly gives her props for still being alive.

Elsewhere in the seven kingdoms, Euron Greyjoy delivers the Golden Company to King’s Landing and maneuvers his way into Cersei’s bed chamber. And while Euron is preoccupied with “putting a prince” in Cersei’s belly, Theon Greyjoy pops up and rescues Yara Greyjoy from his anchored ship.

Theon is a character I’m constantly rooting for, but seems to be too broken for total redemption. Sensing his personal desire, Yara directs him to Winterfell to fight alongside the Starks. Here’s to hoping he dies heroically in one of the upcoming episodes and doesn’t bail out when the time’s get tough like he did last time with Yara.

And while all this is going on, Bronn, Jaime’s former trusty sellsword, is just trying to have a casual night out at the local whorehouse when he’s rudely interrupted by Qyburn, Cersei’s hand, who gives him a pile of money and a crossbow to take out Jaime and Tyrion at the queen’s command. You might be wondering, why would Cersei give a sellsword a crossbow? I’ll tell you why. This is the crossbow Tyrion used to kill their father Tywin right after Jaime helped him escape a death sentence. Poetic justice.

Back in the north, Tormund, Beric, and a ragtag group of wildlings and Light lovers who recently survived a white walker attack (last season), make their way through Castle Umber, only to find Edd Tollett, the current lord commander of the Night’s Watch, and a ragtag group of Night’s Watchers making their way down south from the wall. And all they find together is the child Lord Ned Umber, dead, stuck on a wall surrounded by severed limbs shaped in a spiral. While Tormund and Edd chitchat, Ned suddenly comes back to life, white walker style, and is promptly stabbed by Beric’s medieval lightsaber, aka fire sword.

The episode ends with Jaime sneaking into Winterfell amongst a procession of commoners. Last season, upon hearing Cersei’s plan to betray the north, he struck out alone, refusing to go back on his own word to fight alongside the northerners. And who is there to greet old Jaime One hands once he enters the gate? Only Bran, the kid he pushed out a window way back in season one that basically got this whole Game of Thrones ball rolling. Lot to talk about, these two.

Can’t wait for episode two. Lot of balls in the air (not a eunuch joke). What will Jon Snow do with the newly revealed information regarding his ancestry? What will Dany do? Will Jaime’s news regarding Cersei’s betrayal jumpstart a Northerner rebellion? What will Jaime and Bran talk about? And will Bran continue to sit in the courtyard and stare creepily at anyone who happens to be having a casual conversation? Is there a prince in Cersei’s belly? If so, will it be inbred or ironborn? Will Jon Snow end up marrying Sansa Stark? And why is that idea gross but him ending up with his aunt Dany not gross?

Who will end up on the iron throne? Stay tuned. I will.